As the new year approaches I always get nostalgic. I reflect back on the past 365 days remembering the good days and bad. Taking a moment to appreciate those who were there for both. Taking the time to see where I could have done better. Taking the time to actually feel the stuff I was too busy to deal with. I spend time figuring out what direction I want to go in for the upcoming year. Each year I compile a list of goals & new years resolutions. As each year comes to an end, I laugh at how different the year actually went. This year I'm going to just let things happen. No plan. No goals. No pressure to be this "New year, New Me."
This year, more than any previous year, has been one insane roller coaster. There were so many high's where I felt on top of the world and so many lows where I felt like my heart and stomach were still in the air as I screamed the whole way down. Life is CRAZY. I got married this year. I never thought it would be this magical Disney movie type of thing. During this year I have learnt so much about myself and my Husband. We know how to push each other's buttons better than ever before. We know how to make each other laugh hysterically over such stupidity. We've learnt what to say to help the other feel okay. We've learnt exactly what we shouldn't say to each other. We've learned to apologize to each other. All of these things may seem so dumb, but they are HUGE accomplishments. Figuring them out had many ups & downs, but I wouldn't change them for anything. People have this idea that you can't fight or your marriage isn't okay. How can you actually love each other and fight with each other. I learned you CAN do both. I love my Husband tremendously, but we're also very different, passionate people who must have the last word. Sometimes things get heated, we each get annoying, but we never stop loving each other. Loving someone shouldn't be based on the condition if you're fighting or not. It's ALWAYS unconditional, if it's not, that's when you should be worried.
This year I had a few complications with my health. I tried SO MANY different diets. I tried SO many workout routines. I figured out that what I need is sleep, a lot of water, and a balanced diet. I learned that not every diet will work for me because it worked for my friend. I learned that the best workout for me is dancing. I learned a lot of what I needed to feel better than I was, were moment of self care. I started taking time to write again, dance again, take bubble baths. If I feel over whelmed, I feel tired, I feel stressed I stop everything & draw a bath, light candles, and listen to music. I've learned it's super important for me to actually put my health first instead of focusing on other peoples issues. I would allow other peoples problems consume me & take up all my time trying to help them, I neglected myself. This year I learned a balance of how I can give a listening ear without giving up too much of myself. I've learned it's okay to tell people "I love you. I want to listen, but right now I have too much going on. I really need to focus on my health & I won't be much of help unless it's just to be a listening ear." I finally understand you can be a good friend, even if you have to put yourself first at times.
This year I've learnt that money comes and goes. I've felt that suffocating burden of losing money. I've felt that enraging lack of understanding after someone screws you over. I've also learnt to turn to G-d from it. I've really understood the saying "Don't shoot the messenger". I understood that there were so many warnings I ignored before this happened. I was able to stand firmly behind the belief that everything is in G-d's control. Money, health, loved ones is all a gift from him & he can take it back whenever He wants. Does it hurt sometimes? YES. Do we always understand why? NO. Is it always for the best even if we can't see why? YES. One of the biggest stresses on a marriage is financial pressure. I've been warned about this by almost everyone. Is losing money scary? YES IT IS. Does financial pressure always end relationship's? Only if you let it. I never got married for Money or materialistic things. Losing money was annoying to deal with but I never lost my the man I married. I never lost the foundation of my marriage. Our love goes deeper than any wallet size or bank account number. In fact, we're even closer after experiencing that big loss. We've learnt how to really communicate & be there for each other the most during that time. We've learnt that money isn't everything. We were pushed to change our focus & priorities which was really great for us. Struggles suck, but they're so much better when you go through it together.
This year for my Instagram page I've had many meaningful conversations with people I've never met before. I've formed close bonds with loyal & interactive followers. I attended my first blogging event with my Blogging Buddy, Rachel Dube. I had the opportunity to collaborate with other bloggers and companies to promote products, giveaways, help beat Instagram's new annoying algorithms and help spread important messages. I had to go out of my comfort zone and show that I will not tolerate people trolling on my page, commenting rude things or showing up in my DM with accusations, assumptions, attacks or inappropriate images. My following grew by 2-3k in the past year. I have discovered so many new awesome bloggers, brave voices, and awesome modest fashion companies. I was locked out of my original blogging platform so started this one (which I like better anyway!) This coming year on January 6th I'll be celebrating 3 years from when I started my Instagram page & blogging platform. This year my first article was published in Nashim Magazine discussing the lack of acceptance withing the Jewish Community. This year Instagram has pushed me further out of my comfort zone, helped me grow as a person, & helped me find the confidence to actually use my voice.
This year I have learned it's okay to let go of old friends, especially if they hurt you. It's okay to walk away from ANYONE if they hurt you in anyway. It doesn't matter if it's a family member or friend. It can be extremely hard but if they are causing you constant stress & pain, cut the strings. It's not worth your peace of mind. I've cut many strings this year & my burden feels so much less. I also understood it's okay if people let me go. I came to terms with the fact that you need certain people in your life to teach you something & that's it. When the lesson is over, you are no longer needed or healthy for their existence & they are no longer needed or healthy for yours. That's okay & normal.
2018 was a roller coaster, 2019 will be a roller coaster too. Ups and downs are something we can't escape. Stress isn't something you can completely get rid of. I guess if I had to make any goal for 2019 it would be to enjoy the ride & push myself to focus on the bigger picture as often as I can. I hope to take the lessons from 2018 with me through 2019! Stay tuned for this coming years adventures. Two things I'm really excited about are Graduating & getting my BA Psychology & for Our honeymoon!!
Happy New years to all my incredible followers & readers!! I hope this coming year is better than you expect it to be :)