RACHEL SARA SAFER @MODESTISTHENEWBLACK
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Marriage 

How's Marriage?

11/13/2018

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The most frequently asked and most dreaded question you hear once you're a newlywed. "So...nuu... how's marriage?!?" It's been over eight months and I'm still hearing it. I just don't get the question even though it's pretty straight forward. I don't get what I'm supposed to answer. Everybody says "a dream come true." "it's wonderful." "amazing!" and the list goes on and on. The list is only ever comprised of good ways to describe something. If the answer never really changes, why do people keep asking? Truthfully speaking, marriage is an adjustment. Don't start freaking out thinking I have a bad marriage just because I stated a fact. Getting married is a very big adjustment. For some people the adjustment is putting another before yourself. For other people its more of an adjustment incorporating another into their decision making process. For some it's an adjustment to share your space with another person. For some its all the above and so much more. Now just because Marriage is an adjustment and it comes with change doesn't make it bad. It's the most wonderful and amazing way to share your life, friendship, and love with another person. The mistake many people make is thinking marriage will be easy and perfect like a Disney movie. When life tries to shake your ground and you have a fairy-tale in mind, marriage quickly becomes like the conjuring or something. Marriage is filled with the most ups and downs. The best part about marriage is you have someone to go through that with. Some days feel like a beautiful walk on a beach, while other days feel like you're riding down Kingda Ka blindfolded during a thunderstorm. You need to figure out how to communicate with each other. I swear that sometimes My Husband and I speak two completely different languages. It was an adjustment for us to take a step back so we can figure out how to say things in the other's language. Learning to pretty much say it once in their language instead of five million times in your own. Its a key skill to learn so the person we're talking to understands what we're saying clearly. It's not helpful to speak your mind in YOUR language when you're trying to express to your spouse that something is bothering you. You have to explain those feelings in their language. We're still adjusting with this, but we've come a long way! Life will also hit you with some big challenges that completely shake your ground, causing you to start your plan over. My Husband and I are very good at taking care of ourselves and get so uncomfortable when it comes to asking for help. You would think asking your spouse for help would be easy, but with two stubborn people who want to do it all by themselves can things challenging. We're both so independent which made it an adjustment to find a balance of depending on each other without feeling like we're being weak. Recognizing we're both amazing problem solvers in different ways was very helpful for starting that process. Just like life, marriage is a roller coaster. It definitely has never ending ups and downs. Considering I pay to ride roller coasters, I'd say marriage is pretty freakin' good! 
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  • About
  • Personal Posts
  • Marriage
  • Motherhood
  • Mental Health
  • Travel
  • Judaism
  • Modesty
  • Instagram Requests
  • Collaborations
  • Contact