Jewish New Year & Mental Health

   With a new year approaching I find myself reflecting on how far I’ve come or how different things became from the previous year. I reflect on my relationships with family & friends. I reflect on my schooling and finances. I reflect on my choices that impact my physical and mental health. 
   This time is vulnerable. It’s the time I center myself and really try to feel. What truly impacted me in the last year? What impacted me personally? What impacted my marriage? What impacted my education? What impacted my friendships? How did those experiences make me feel in the moment? And how do I currently feel while reflecting on them? Do they still make me smile? Do they still sting? 
    I make a list of what still stings. It sounds weird but I sit there going through that list and try to work through it with myself. My goal isn’t to bring any negativity with me into the new year. I want to bring gratitude and good vibes into the new year. I want to explore what may have hurt me and find the lesson in those moments. 
  I would say in the past year, like any year, I experienced my fair share of hardships and celebrations. 
   Some changes I made for myself that have truly impacted my year are the following: 

1. I began speaking with a therapist. Wow! I wish I jumped on that opportunity sooner. Speaking with an unbiased person to help you navigate life, relationships, bad habits, recognize your growth is SO helpful. It’s been a wonderful journey. 
2. I began doing things for me. That sounds selfish but it’s been helpful. If I cannot handle something because I am overwhelmed, stressed or tied I decline. It was hard for me because I love helping my friends and family. I love answering every single DM in my inbox. I learned that I cannot allow myself to bend until I break. I have to slowly stretch and rest in order to expand myself and help myself create room on my plate. 
3. I learned to create space for two realities. This has helped me in all my relationships. It has helped me realize that my vision is not your vision. I appreciate people so much more actively recognizing that and practicing it. 
4. I’ve also learned that it’s okay to put your dreams first. It’s okay to make sure you set time aside to conquer your goals. If that’s work related, school related, gym related, diet related. It’s okay to put time in for yourself and say no to other plans that get in the way. There isn’t another way you will accomplish those goals and achieve those dreams. You have to make time! Basically said you don’t say yes to others if it means saying no 
5. Last thing I will share is I learned you need to talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd address a close friend with. If a friend approached you stressed out, sad, angered, disappointed or hurt hopefully you wouldn't beat them when they're down. Usually, a friend would be compassionate, understanding, and loving. A friend would listen, try to lift their friend up and help them see that their feelings are valid and things will be okay. We often beat ourselves when we're down. We say that when hosting we didn't cook enough and drive ourselves crazy. We apologize that our homes aren't up to the same standards of a hotel. and so many more subtle but power thoughts cross our minds that belittle ourselves, our accomplishments and our efforts. I learned being kind to yourself goes a long way. 

   To me, these 5 things all share a common theme of mental health. This year do not compromise your mental health. If people ask you to go out, if people ask you for a favor, if people ask you for anything and your 'yes' isn't an enthusiastic 100% yes. I'd love to do this kind of yes, it's very clearly a no. Saying no to people is uncomfortable but we cannot keep practicing pleasing others, bending until we break and forgetting about ourselves. Find a balance this year that helps you be there for yourself and others without losing your mind. 
Shana Tova. I hope this year is wonderful for all of you. 

Always, Rachel